tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37906915325815768762024-02-18T23:50:32.536-08:00C is for FamilyOne blended family with issues. All our names start with C, and that is where the cute ends.Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-30235808613144738882014-09-16T22:05:00.001-07:002014-09-16T22:15:20.470-07:00Neurodiversity yells SHUT UPThe overwhelming message from the loudest neurodiversity folks is "shut up about how hard it is to raise your autistic child." <div>I understand that autistic adults exist and have worth. I also empathize with their families that lived with the child and their challenges and did all they could to get through every day. </div><div>When Shannon Rosa scolds me for being honest about the level of violence my child exhibits, I'm silenced. She unfollows me on twitter because I'm not supposed to share the shit that autism does to our family; it interferes with the neurodiversity brand. </div><div>Their message is that autism is just a difference, a gift that kids are born with. That is not the reality for many families with a child on the autism spectrum. </div><div>Parents can be seen as an obstacle to an item or activity the ASD child wants, and a physical attack or murder is the way to remove the obstacle. That's how things work when autism prevents a child from seeing people as people. </div><div>With the data from 8 year olds showing 1 in 68 kids having an ASD diagnosis, we know that kids born today have an even higher risk than 10 or 20 years ago. Maybe if the reality of what autism can do to families, the pain it causes in the affected individual, the lack of real help and the reality of parenting an adult but dependant child, got out, people would hesitate to start a family. </div><div>There's so much money to be made off sick kids that no one but humble and lowly families are willing to say it is hell in the trenches. </div><div>Let's figure out what is causing the brain damage we call autism and stop making kids sick. </div>Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-46974439552954279442013-02-27T21:13:00.001-08:002013-02-27T21:13:40.644-08:00We got in!While unloading girls from the minivan to pick up brother at school, my phone rings. It's a woman from Tri Counties Regional Center wanting to schedule a thing. I'm confused and ask her if we have cleared the last hurdle. She seemed to know what I meant and assured me we were *in* with regional center. I did a little dance in the sand by the tree that shades the playground. <br />
<br />
YAY!!!<br />
<br />
Now we figure out what they're able to do for her and plan for action. <br />
<br />
It took 5 years, no less than 6 doctors, 100 phone calls, several letters, 1 lawyer, but we're there. Phew. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-68115475183314038862013-02-14T18:38:00.001-08:002013-02-14T18:38:11.979-08:0026 acts of kindness isn't enoughMy view is probably different than most moms. Yes, I'm so sad and heartbroken for families that lost a loved one in Newtown, horrified that the survivors have to work through all they saw and felt and keep living. Mostly I'm really angry that it happened. <br />
Absolutely angry that the shooter's mom had guns in her home. Furious that the shooter wasn't receiving appropriate treatment for his mental illness or neurological disability. Above all I'm ANGRY that my daughter is being set up to fit into that shooter's shoes. <br />
She's been bullied on her walk to school, bullied and abused in school, physically attacked on her way home from school. Even now, years after I started talking with the school about my daughter needing to be protected at school, the school system is still failing her. Maybe it is failing all of us. She doesn't have a chance at a productive life without proper education. The school is doing all they can to avoid their legal obligation to her. <br />
I'm ANGRY that their failing my child could lead to horrible outcomes for her, her family and her community. Yes, I'm mad as hell, and I wish I didn't have to take it anymore. <br />
There are two meetings at her school tomorrow, and I'll attend, participate, plan the next idiotic meeting. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-69548587548658765772013-02-11T20:53:00.001-08:002013-02-11T20:57:05.524-08:00Teach your children…There's this idea that children do as they are taught.<br />
<br />
So wrong!<br />
<br />
Parents teach bigotry, and children choose love. Parents teach Catholicism, and children choose premarital sex and contraception. Parents teach alcoholism, and children choose a sober life. Parents teach hoarding, and children choose a clean and organized life. <br />
<br />
Here's the deal: children make their own decisions. They can be nice or nasty, and it's their choice. <br />
<br />
I hope we keep showing our kids how to be nice and highlighting the good feelings that come from being nice. We can show our kids the effects nice people have had in our lives. We can teach nice, but kids make their own choices. <br />
<br />
The adult bullies I have run into have kids. I pray those kids learn nice and make the choice to be nice. <br />
<br />
My oldest doesn't even understand nice. When I make a pan of brownies for a neighbor or friend, she's upset that I'm giving our stuff away. We have no shortage of food, but she's very upset when I give things away. I make a loaf of bread to give away, and she doesn't understand that I'm taking time to make a thing to give away. <br />
<br />
We can teach all we want, all we can, but kids do what they do. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-46257484019126297182013-01-29T15:30:00.001-08:002013-01-29T15:30:09.131-08:00Maybe I'm GrumpyAnd so what?!<br />
<br />
I don't sleep we'll when I do get to sleep. <br />
<br />
Money is tight, so I don't get to do little things like a haircut or massage. <br />
<br />
Even if we had money, I wouldn't be able to get away from kids and house responsibilities. <br />
<br />
When I do all the work to find a sitter or sitters, it's because there is a meeting at the teen's school, or I have to take her to one of her doctors or therapists.<br />
<br />
I feel like it's all for nothing because we aren't seeing any positive change. <br />
<br />
My younger kids are paying a very high price for Big Sissy to stay so sick. I'm paying a high price; exhaustion and abuse are making me quite grumpy.<br />
<br />
So, I'm grumpy and get grumpier when I hear ninnies preach about being a perfect parent and pass judgements on anyone who wasn't able to produce a perfect child. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-90416451745449647532013-01-26T22:48:00.001-08:002013-01-26T22:50:40.816-08:00Primary ThoughtIt's always Calliope.<br />
Tonight I was thinking I'd get frisky with hubby. I got out lotion and was massaging his feet. He hardly noticed me. A couple minutes in, "oh hi."<br />
I keep going on the first foot, move to the next, and I'm hoping he feels good and relaxed and wants to kiss me. Then he says, "Social Thinking."<br />
He was reading about therapies for autism treatment! I'm not getting any tonight. <br />
Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-62627529913122158442013-01-23T16:46:00.001-08:002013-01-23T16:49:38.435-08:00My TimeI'm becoming increasingly concerned with how much of MY TIME the school wants to take up. I'm sure wasting a family's time is a tactic the school uses to make us give up the fight. They know we aren't giving up on our child and continue to require several hours, up to 8 hours, of my time every week. I've got better things to do than attend their meetings. My kids have better things to do than wait for me while I'm on the phone with school people, babysitters, lawyers, making sure everyone is able to attend the next flipping meeting. My younger kids go to babysitters. My oldest comes home from school to an empty house. What compensation do they get for missing out while mom and dad are at a meeting? What is my time worth? I want to charge them $20 an hour for MY time that they are wasting. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-68249327644855045762013-01-21T21:03:00.001-08:002013-01-21T21:03:40.947-08:00Happy New Year?We're making zero progress with school for Calliope. <br />
Today we had a lovely hike with little kids because Calliope won't go. <br />
She can complain, lecture, monologue, but there is no conversation, no happiness. I'm so sad for her. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-14054785584303498072013-01-04T18:14:00.001-08:002013-01-04T18:14:00.746-08:00No help to be foundI've called everyone and every agency I had heard of, read about, or found listed in a phone book or brochure. So far, things are just getting worse for my oldest daughter and all of us. Who can help a kid? Why are all these helping agencies telling us no? Are these fools gambling that my child won't do something horrible? They are taking that gamble for everyone in our community. It's not okay with me, and it can't be okay with you. Kids need issues addressed when they arise, but we've been seeking out help for 6 years now. But we are getting nowhere. I'm incredibly discouraged and feeling pretty hopeless about our future. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-8290910463006766772012-11-14T10:05:00.001-08:002012-11-14T10:05:20.054-08:00Fresh HeartbreakThe doctor told us what we already knew, but my heartbreak feels new. Somehow the documents presented showing some skills at the level of a two year old didn't surprise me, but it did renew my fear that my daughter will always need a caretaker. She's aware of her age and that kids drive at 16. She wants to drive, but I can't see any way to put two year old reasoning, processing, tantrums behind the wheel of a car. Her life is going to be so difficult and so limited. I can only hope she finds happiness. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-41533467290067891912012-11-13T22:07:00.001-08:002012-11-13T22:09:05.612-08:00Doctor IEPThe doctor told us what we already knew, and it took almost three hours. Eleven people in the room to hear what we have known for at least 3.5 years. This is how our public schools work to deny a child the education they deserve. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-77013675064520139912012-11-10T21:09:00.001-08:002012-11-10T21:09:45.784-08:00End of Soccer SeasonThe little kids love their soccer. Big Sissy doesn't handle it as well. I'm sure she enjoys the quiet house while we are all gone but must feel left out. Little girls will be starting whatever dance class that can handle both ages, but Calliope keeps saying she doesn't want to do an activity. Karate, dancing, free running, art; she doesn't want to do anything. Our Saturdays are our own now, and I want to find some family activity for us to fill our weekends. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-86976044360367438412012-11-05T13:21:00.001-08:002012-11-05T13:21:17.667-08:00Success at the Drive-In MoviesWe have tried it once before, probably last year, so I wasn't sure we could go and see both PG movies the drive-in was showing. Last time there was lots of yelling, shoving, pushing and a very high level of agitation over having to share space and having siblings and parents touch things. Calliope got her pillow and blanket, knew we could wash everything after, and she shared the folded down back of the minivan with Cooper and Clio! I was amazed at how quiet it was. Aside from Calliope talking through the movie and shushing others, it was quiet. It doesn't sound quiet as I've described it, but there was no yelling, name calling or cursing. Wow. Claire was all over the place, but that's her two year old thing. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-66476995879825418262012-11-03T16:32:00.001-07:002012-11-03T23:29:47.210-07:00Mean Girls and the Shit StormThe Heather with the red scrunchy had been out of my thoughts for some time, maybe a couple years until last night. She had actively campaigned against me participating in the special needs forum of the website she commands. I was prevented from talking with moms in the know about IEPs and the school system lingo and processes because my child didn't fit her stereotype of autistic. Our family won't give up on a child and have worked through all challenges thrown at us and continue to work. Because I have so much to do every day, I can't waste my time on an influence that is so draining of my energy and emotion, so I don't do it. <br />
But last night, I did. I read a news story about a motorcycle accident. I worry about an old neighbor because he rides, but it wasn't him. It was the husband of The Heather. <br />
My heart and head were flooded with competing thoughts and strong feelings. I'm so sorry this man was hurt and hope he recovers and is able to see the hit and run driver go to prison. My husband doesn't ride a motorcycle or participate in activities likely to kill him, and that's a decision I am so happy with. <br />
Although I have forgiven The Heather for what has past, I don't want to be involved in the SAVE THE HEATHER campaign. I wish them the best but cannot invest myself into that negative energy. Her minions have been whipped into a frenzy and have been attacking me personally; calling me names, belittling my sick child, accusing me of celebrating the accident. <br />
The Internet troll became an Internet bully, and has targeted me and my family. Going out of your way to be mean to me can't be helpful to The Heather. Let me be. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-54803845358267591412012-10-15T09:45:00.001-07:002012-10-15T09:45:43.872-07:00Halloween DRAMACalliope thinks she's going trick or treating with a couple friends from school. <br />
Problems with this plan: 14 is too old to collect candy from neighbors, kids she knows from school have problems like hers' or worse, any trouble she gets into puts younger kids at risk of being snatched by child welfare clowns, she is unable to read people's intentions or motivation- unable to keep herself safe with other people. <br />
Last night there was yelling and swearing and more yelling after I mentioned that there would be supervision. Children need supervision; teens need it too. There is no way I can approve of an autistic child with mental illnesses going out without a responsible adult nearby and on alert. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-52409467333747771052012-07-25T12:35:00.001-07:002012-07-25T12:35:46.932-07:00Running Away From HomeSome days it's all I can think about. Everything I do or don't do, say or don't say is wrong and causes some awfulness from Calliope. I'm not able to parent my kids while she's yelling at me and coaching them to be nasty and rude. I want to put on my running shoes and RUN. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-73800414517758721952012-07-19T23:44:00.001-07:002012-07-19T23:44:36.254-07:00Lawyer loves itA local applied behavior analysis company returned our call, and I have even more forms to fill out. Our lawyer likes the woman that will be doing the evaluation, so that's good. That's good, right? Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-9303664422873807452012-07-17T20:47:00.001-07:002012-07-17T20:49:39.546-07:00Limited understandingWith the family and few friends that know of our families challenges, we get odd comments and suggestions. <br />
<br />
"Isn't that just normal teen stuff?"<br />
Sure… typical teens spend months in mental institutions and physically abuse family members. I must be overreacting.<br />
<br />
"Calliope says the little kids get into her things and leave a mess in her bathroom. Those things really bother her."<br />
I'm sure that those things do bother her. That's why she's still upset over some sneaky sister trying her lipstick half a year ago and blaming every mess in the bathroom on her brother when he rarely uses that bathroom because he's scared of big sissy.<br />
<br />
If people knew the high price our whole family pays to keep her appeased and avoid her outbursts, they probably wouldn't be suggesting that we DO MORE. Can y'all just hush. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-81032718222788174412012-06-10T21:07:00.000-07:002012-06-10T21:11:33.216-07:00Summer Vacation StartsCalliope is back home from the hospital in Nevada and doing okay. Her medicines have changed, and she's less verbally aggressive and much less emotionally abusive. It's almost nice to hang around her.
Tonight I was able to make dinner tonight because all my daughters were playing with dolls upstairs. It was a miracle in my own home. Fifteen minutes of content children playing together.
School was finished this year with what is called home hospital. A teacher came to the house the last three days of school and did a few assignments. Calliope was enjoying geometry, and that is so cool. Our options for going back to school are limited and far from ideal.
My parents are able to come to our house a few more weeks to help out. Maybe they can handle the transportation to the school and the outbursts surrounding school. There is a theraputic home in San Luis Obispo that could be a good place for Calliope, but it won't have openings until maybe July. That's no help to us right now.
We haven't heard from Department of Social Services since the hearing about child abuse claims. I'd be happy to get my letter saying the investigation was inconslusive and never hear from them again. Still, the child welfare clowns are ever present in my thoughts. I wonder how they would look at decisions I make, choices made in the moment, what food I have in the fridge and pantry, what my kids are wearing (or not wearing), how my housekeeping measures up. All these things that people judge us on that don't matter when it's just some lady at school or a random grocery shopper, but they matter a great deal when a social worker writes it all down in her report. Those social workers write down all their judgements and make guesses as to what they are seeing. I'm never letting them in my house again.Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-21504673432848673922012-03-16T12:40:00.001-07:002012-03-16T13:09:15.138-07:00Road TripsTo catch up, Calliope was removed from our home January 18 by County Mental Health Crisis. She was transferred from SLO inpatient to Aurora Vista Del Mar in Ventura even after I talked with the SLO doctor about how poorly run a hospital it is. We had decided that we needed to find a longer term treatment option and decided on one in Sherman Oaks. The morning I was to drive her from Ventura to Sherman Oaks became a circus. <br />
Child Welfare Clowns contacted the hospital and told them Calliope had to know where she was going. Of course she flipped out and found out later that she was threatening to crash the car to kill me. Our plan to break the news was to do it at the hospital with staff present and make it sound like a cool place filled with cool teen girls. If she freaked, she'd be readmitted to the hospital. If it was cool, I'd drive her and check her in. Sooooo… we had to hire a guy to drive her. I drove to Ventura to give the driver a check for $450 and Calliope's suitcase. <br />
Calliope's stay at the Sherman Oaks house was short. LA County Sheriff came to take her after she make threats to staff and injured a girl that had to have a head injury treated at the hospital. She stayed at Aurora Charter Oaks Hospital for maybe a week, and she threatened me when I visited her there. It was decided that she needed to go out of state where there aren't as many laws restricting staff's ability to keep her and other patients safe. She agreed to allow her grandma and grandpa to drive her from Covina to Bakersfield then to Reno, Nevada. <br />
She's been at this new place for over two weeks and has had both sets of grandparents visit. Our family went up for a therapy session (only grown ups), and it was a quick one. She was perseverating on this list she sent and us not bringing every item on that list. We were in the little room with the therapist a couple minutes when Calliope kicked the coffee table into my leg, several times. The therapist asked if she needed to call someone to help, and Calliope said no. She was excused, and the therapist took her back to her room. Chris and I waited. <br />
It seems that these people all want to start in square one and ignore all the other times we have taken that first step. They aren't seeing that Calliope's brain is really sick and needs treatment. She threatens to punch the doctor in the face, and they are still wanting her behaviors to be 'attention seeking' because she doesn't have the relationship she wants with her mom. How can these professionals be such dummies?!<br />
<div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSvNkhOesY_V6Pe4aI9xOjWQqeBrwqivBrfEFtnKt0Bi9ReDzp5jKd1Pn4pUaWFTuinR6nVBPR68XJqe7-xbm229AB60ao1RALukxtbY1skZSas4vOroEeICvgaeTzUS7oa-93fuDk2ZJd/s640/blogger-image--494344527.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSvNkhOesY_V6Pe4aI9xOjWQqeBrwqivBrfEFtnKt0Bi9ReDzp5jKd1Pn4pUaWFTuinR6nVBPR68XJqe7-xbm229AB60ao1RALukxtbY1skZSas4vOroEeICvgaeTzUS7oa-93fuDk2ZJd/s640/blogger-image--494344527.jpg" /></a></div>Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-29977117392097493762012-02-21T12:44:00.001-08:002012-02-21T12:44:33.702-08:00Placements and shufflingCalliope was taken by mental health crisis after another attack on me in front of all three little siblings. After being released, our hired driver took her to a residential treatment center. She was there for about two weeks when she got agitated, threatened staff, fought and injured a girl in the program, and she was taken by LA County Sheriff to another hospital run by the same company.<br />
Today we wait for the phone call that she's discharged. They run a pretty shady operation, and we don't get much information about what they do or don't do at the hospital. I wish there was a better place, but there isn't. <br />
Calliope has been accepted to a program about an 8-10 hour drive away from us. When she's discharged, she'll go straight to the new place. The part we are working on now is how to get her there. Do we risk safety by driving her ourselves? Do we pay a transport company $4000 to drive her? It's hard to predict her reaction to the news that she's going to another program, so I'm waiting on a call from the therapist or case manager at the hospital, and I'll break the news to Calliope while we are all on the phone. <br />
Waiting sucks. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-29097026269323048232011-12-14T22:37:00.001-08:002011-12-14T22:37:55.033-08:00Another Medication ChangeNew new doctor added zoloft and dropped depokote. Calliope's energy level is definitely increased which makes me nervous. Her energy can go from happy to angry in a second. Tonight, the in home therapist had to report to her supervisor because Calliope made a threat to kill her brother. It's her norm, but they have to report. She had gone a week without hitting anyone before tonight. She is enjoying Christmas, mostly for the cookies and candy. :\Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-4311212755541371812011-12-08T10:01:00.001-08:002011-12-08T10:01:45.809-08:00Christmas CardsI've been getting through each day, and I'm not doing much planning ahead, too tired to do that kind of thinking. We didn't get a picture taken for a Christmas card, and I'd be too tired to address envelopes even if we did have a card to send out. Little girls and I did make gingerbread for a house and cookies. We've got Christmas happening, it's just not as much as like to do. I could use some sleep. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-30659121255588987782011-12-04T22:00:00.001-08:002011-12-04T22:00:02.908-08:00Our Tree is Up, a happy weekendWe spent time at the camper with my parents eating dinner Friday night. They joined us at the tree farm Saturday afternoon to hunt down a Christmas tree and help us put the huge thing up. Sunday Calliope and Chris worked on making Calliope's scooter shiny black and new looking. And we all enjoyed the first batch of butter cookies in Christmasy shapes! It's so nice to be able to enjoy a weekend. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3790691532581576876.post-12278044504441968542011-12-02T21:32:00.001-08:002011-12-02T21:32:06.176-08:00Can&apos;t Hug Every Cat…and I'm having a hard time holding or hugging my kids, can't cuddle up with my hubby, my glasses hurt my nose, bra straps hurt my shoulders, and the wound on my shin oozes and sticks to my pants.<br />
My oldest daughter gets mad and uses me as her outlet, her punching bag. The beating I took yesterday was the longest for sure and the most aggressive. She didn't care about allowance, her sisters, her backpack, our neighbors. She yelled obscenities, hit and kicked me with the windows open and while I was holding baby Claire. The little sisters tell her not to yell at mommy, but it doesn't matter to Calliope. When she decides she's mad, it's all over.<br />
Chris showed me how to hold her arms behind her, more like elbows behind, and use my weight to sit us both down. I can hold her that way until she's out of energy. I hope. But I can't care for three scared little kids while I'm holding the oldest. Christahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04549916523112716958noreply@blogger.com1