Neurodiversity yells SHUT UP

The overwhelming message from the loudest neurodiversity folks is "shut up about how hard it is to raise your autistic child." 

I understand that autistic adults exist and have worth. I also empathize with their families that lived with the child and their challenges and did all they could to get through every day. 

When Shannon Rosa scolds me for being honest about the level of violence my child exhibits, I'm silenced. She unfollows me on twitter because I'm not supposed to share the shit that autism does to our family; it interferes with the neurodiversity brand. 

Their message is that autism is just a difference, a gift that kids are born with. That is not the reality for many families with a child on the autism spectrum. 

Parents can be seen as an obstacle to an item or activity the ASD child wants, and a physical attack or murder is the way to remove the obstacle. That's how things work when autism prevents a child from seeing people as people. 

With the data from 8 year olds showing 1 in 68 kids having an ASD diagnosis, we know that kids born today have an even higher risk than 10 or 20 years ago. Maybe if the reality of what autism can do to families, the pain it causes in the affected individual, the lack of real help and the reality of parenting an adult but dependant child, got out, people would hesitate to start a family. 

There's so much money to be made off sick kids that no one but humble and lowly families are willing to say it is hell in the trenches. 

Let's figure out what is causing the brain damage we call autism and stop making kids sick. 

We got in!

While unloading girls from the minivan to pick up brother at school, my phone rings. It's a woman from Tri Counties Regional Center wanting to schedule a thing. I'm confused and ask her if we have cleared the last hurdle. She seemed to know what I meant and assured me we were *in* with regional center. I did a little dance in the sand by the tree that shades the playground.

YAY!!!

Now we figure out what they're able to do for her and plan for action.

It took 5 years, no less than 6 doctors, 100 phone calls, several letters, 1 lawyer, but we're there. Phew.

Teach your children…

There's this idea that children do as they are taught.

So wrong!

Parents teach bigotry, and children choose love. Parents teach Catholicism, and children choose premarital sex and contraception. Parents teach alcoholism, and children choose a sober life. Parents teach hoarding, and children choose a clean and organized life.

Here's the deal: children make their own decisions. They can be nice or nasty, and it's their choice.

I hope we keep showing our kids how to be nice and highlighting the good feelings that come from being nice. We can show our kids the effects nice people have had in our lives. We can teach nice, but kids make their own choices.

The adult bullies I have run into have kids. I pray those kids learn nice and make the choice to be nice.

My oldest doesn't even understand nice. When I make a pan of brownies for a neighbor or friend, she's upset that I'm giving our stuff away. We have no shortage of food, but she's very upset when I give things away. I make a loaf of bread to give away, and she doesn't understand that I'm taking time to make a thing to give away.

We can teach all we want, all we can, but kids do what they do.

My Time

I'm becoming increasingly concerned with how much of MY TIME the school wants to take up. I'm sure wasting a family's time is a tactic the school uses to make us give up the fight. They know we aren't giving up on our child and continue to require several hours, up to 8 hours, of my time every week. I've got better things to do than attend their meetings. My kids have better things to do than wait for me while I'm on the phone with school people, babysitters, lawyers, making sure everyone is able to attend the next flipping meeting. My younger kids go to babysitters. My oldest comes home from school to an empty house. What compensation do they get for missing out while mom and dad are at a meeting? What is my time worth? I want to charge them $20 an hour for MY time that they are wasting.

No help to be found

I've called everyone and every agency I had heard of, read about, or found listed in a phone book or brochure. So far, things are just getting worse for my oldest daughter and all of us. Who can help a kid? Why are all these helping agencies telling us no? Are these fools gambling that my child won't do something horrible? They are taking that gamble for everyone in our community. It's not okay with me, and it can't be okay with you. Kids need issues addressed when they arise, but we've been seeking out help for 6 years now. But we are getting nowhere. I'm incredibly discouraged and feeling pretty hopeless about our future.

Road Trips

To catch up, Calliope was removed from our home January 18 by County Mental Health Crisis. She was transferred from SLO inpatient to Aurora Vista Del Mar in Ventura even after I talked with the SLO doctor about how poorly run a hospital it is. We had decided that we needed to find a longer term treatment option and decided on one in Sherman Oaks. The morning I was to drive her from Ventura to Sherman Oaks became a circus.
Child Welfare Clowns contacted the hospital and told them Calliope had to know where she was going. Of course she flipped out and found out later that she was threatening to crash the car to kill me. Our plan to break the news was to do it at the hospital with staff present and make it sound like a cool place filled with cool teen girls. If she freaked, she'd be readmitted to the hospital. If it was cool, I'd drive her and check her in. Sooooo… we had to hire a guy to drive her. I drove to Ventura to give the driver a check for $450 and Calliope's suitcase.
Calliope's stay at the Sherman Oaks house was short. LA County Sheriff came to take her after she make threats to staff and injured a girl that had to have a head injury treated at the hospital. She stayed at Aurora Charter Oaks Hospital for maybe a week, and she threatened me when I visited her there. It was decided that she needed to go out of state where there aren't as many laws restricting staff's ability to keep her and other patients safe. She agreed to allow her grandma and grandpa to drive her from Covina to Bakersfield then to Reno, Nevada.
She's been at this new place for over two weeks and has had both sets of grandparents visit. Our family went up for a therapy session (only grown ups), and it was a quick one. She was perseverating on this list she sent and us not bringing every item on that list. We were in the little room with the therapist a couple minutes when Calliope kicked the coffee table into my leg, several times. The therapist asked if she needed to call someone to help, and Calliope said no. She was excused, and the therapist took her back to her room. Chris and I waited.
It seems that these people all want to start in square one and ignore all the other times we have taken that first step. They aren't seeing that Calliope's brain is really sick and needs treatment. She threatens to punch the doctor in the face, and they are still wanting her behaviors to be 'attention seeking' because she doesn't have the relationship she wants with her mom. How can these professionals be such dummies?!