Maybe I'm Grumpy

And so what?!

I don't sleep we'll when I do get to sleep.

Money is tight, so I don't get to do little things like a haircut or massage.

Even if we had money, I wouldn't be able to get away from kids and house responsibilities.

When I do all the work to find a sitter or sitters, it's because there is a meeting at the teen's school, or I have to take her to one of her doctors or therapists.

I feel like it's all for nothing because we aren't seeing any positive change.

My younger kids are paying a very high price for Big Sissy to stay so sick. I'm paying a high price; exhaustion and abuse are making me quite grumpy.

So, I'm grumpy and get grumpier when I hear ninnies preach about being a perfect parent and pass judgements on anyone who wasn't able to produce a perfect child.

Primary Thought

It's always Calliope.
Tonight I was thinking I'd get frisky with hubby. I got out lotion and was massaging his feet. He hardly noticed me. A couple minutes in, "oh hi."
I keep going on the first foot, move to the next, and I'm hoping he feels good and relaxed and wants to kiss me. Then he says, "Social Thinking."
He was reading about therapies for autism treatment! I'm not getting any tonight.

My Time

I'm becoming increasingly concerned with how much of MY TIME the school wants to take up. I'm sure wasting a family's time is a tactic the school uses to make us give up the fight. They know we aren't giving up on our child and continue to require several hours, up to 8 hours, of my time every week. I've got better things to do than attend their meetings. My kids have better things to do than wait for me while I'm on the phone with school people, babysitters, lawyers, making sure everyone is able to attend the next flipping meeting. My younger kids go to babysitters. My oldest comes home from school to an empty house. What compensation do they get for missing out while mom and dad are at a meeting? What is my time worth? I want to charge them $20 an hour for MY time that they are wasting.

Happy New Year?

We're making zero progress with school for Calliope.
Today we had a lovely hike with little kids because Calliope won't go.
She can complain, lecture, monologue, but there is no conversation, no happiness. I'm so sad for her.

No help to be found

I've called everyone and every agency I had heard of, read about, or found listed in a phone book or brochure. So far, things are just getting worse for my oldest daughter and all of us. Who can help a kid? Why are all these helping agencies telling us no? Are these fools gambling that my child won't do something horrible? They are taking that gamble for everyone in our community. It's not okay with me, and it can't be okay with you. Kids need issues addressed when they arise, but we've been seeking out help for 6 years now. But we are getting nowhere. I'm incredibly discouraged and feeling pretty hopeless about our future.